Baby steps forward

(Sidebar:  I started this post last night after a long day of packing and taping.  Je suis complètement fatiguée.)

I was totally stressed out this morning.  The cost of moving clear across the ocean finally hit me.  Oh, it’s not just the money although it ain’t cheap to make such a move.  I’m leaving behind everything and everyone I know and love.  My entire family is here in Toronto.  My memories, my youth, most of my childhood is wrapped up in Toronto.  Sure, moving to France is a dream come true and I’m moving there with my love and my best friend.  D’s parents are lovely and warm and welcoming; I feel like one of their own children.  It’s still not the same though, is it?  I haven’t completely fooled myself into thinking that it will be easy.  I do believe the first few weeks will be easy.  It will still feel like vacation.  I think reality will hit much later and I’m not sure yet if I’m prepared for it all.

The packing started full force this afternoon.  D and I spent almost 7 hours packing unwrapped stuff from both storage lockers.  It was crazy and insane and completely wonderful.  Wonderful?  Yes, yes indeed.  D was committed to ensuring that I only had to pack the contents of the condo.  He’s a sweet man; he truly is lovely.  That was the plan and we worked that plan and finished just before 10 pm!  Yeah.

Here I am on Wednesday night.  I dropped D off at the airport this afternoon.  It always seems empty at home when D’s not here.  I feel a little rudderless actually.  I’m used to it by now but eating dinner alone is never fun.  At least I have the packing to do, right?

I’m looking three weeks ahead now and the excitement is starting to hit me.  I’m looking forward to seeing Nice for the first time.  I can’t wait to have freshly baked croissants or pains au chocolat for breakfast again.  I know that D is just dying to show me Nice.  (He lived there several years ago.)  I need to brush up on my French.  Living with a Frenchman should provide more than enough practice time.  That is true unless said Frenchman wants to work on his English because he often deals with English-speaking clients.  That’s the past.  I now say “bonjour l’avenir!”

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Categories: changes

Author:Tanya in Transition

I am a woman in transition. I left my job of 13 years to find happiness and self-fulfillment...in France!

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4 Comments on “Baby steps forward”

  1. April 15, 2010 at 2:43 AM #

    Tanya, D sounds like a dream. I got a little emotional reading your thoughts about leaving your family and could write a long letter…but I’ll spare you! It’s true, you are leaving your history and all that has ever been your present. And once you arrive and the “honeymoon” is over, you will experience frustration and tears directed at all that is French. A friend of mine told me, “at some point you will hit a wall…and you’ll hit it more than once”. And it’s true. But the walls will crumble…sometimes as if a bomb hit them and often one brick at a time. But the two of you have a new history to build. And if you already speak french, half the battle is won.
    Use Skype, often and with abandon, and when you get to Nice, get the telephone, television, internet package that includes free phone calls to North America. It truly shrinks the distance. My thoughts are with you, especially during these next few weeks.

    • April 15, 2010 at 11:26 AM #

      He is a dream! And yes, I know it will be a rollercoaster. From reading your blog and Sion’s blog I’m beginning to understand what is to come. We have two hard hats packed so at least we’re kitted out! Et oui, je parle français! Thanks for the tips and I look forward to sharing a coffee with you.

  2. April 15, 2010 at 10:57 AM #

    Ok I am now really jealous you are moving there!!! Its my dream to one day live in paris. I look forward to reading your blog and following your adventures with you. Leaving your home is not easy and I think while a new life is exciting there is something sad about leaving what you have known which has become familiar.
    I have been reading some other expat blogs gathering information and experiences and there seems to be an experience that is across the board and that is that everyone seems to go through highs and lows about their decision. But the wonderful experience you are going to have will change you forever you will grow so much and have an experience that many of us never get the chance to have.

    • April 15, 2010 at 11:23 AM #

      Shane, thanks for your words. I’m not looking forward to the leaving part. It was bad enough when I moved 30 mins away from my mother. An ocean and 7.5 hours of flying will soon separate us. It’s tough but it’s also my choice and I’m looking forward to the experience.

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