I’ve fought crime in Nice. Really. (Click here.)
I’ve tapped my toes to an accordeonist in the Metro in Paris.
And, on Tuesday night, I was on the receiving end of a poorly constructed pick-up line.
T’is true I tell you; I do not lie. This all happened under the watchful eye of my husband was standing a mere 6 inches away. Yup, uh-huh. Here’s how it all went down.
D and I arrived at Morrison’s Pub a few minutes after 8 pm. As it was still early in the evening, and as the first band was still setting up, the pub wasn’t full. Meaning: you could comfortably get from point A to point B without a problem.
Unless you were drunk, stumbling, and trying to make a call on your cell phone.
Yes, my almost-boyfriend — let’s call him Yves — somehow stumbled his way across the pub without falling flat on his face. His last stumble almost ended with his face in my beer. Luckily, I had my hand on my pint o’ joy and moved it out of his way.
To prop himself up, he managed to get his hand on the bar between D and me. At that point, I wasn’t sure what was going on. When I heard Yves mumbling “no signal” in his weird little Frenchy voice I realized he was two sheets to the wind. Totally drunk out of his mind.
And I guess that’s when Yves looked at me (I certainly wasn’t making eye contact!) and he probably thought that I was ready for some drunk French loving. So, he started to sing. Badly. His song?
Bob Marley’s “No Woman No Cry”.
Yup, he brought out some Bob Marley.
I have to give him an A for effort… Well, I would have given him an A except I was laughing so hard. The singing was poor. And he obviously didn’t know the words. I don’t think Yves noticed my husband who was standing right there. No, Yves kept on singing.
If you’re wondering what D was doing let me just tell you that Mr Eagle Eye — that’s what I call him when I know he’s watching over me — was on form. He was ready to fly into action. And he did just that when the singing started to get louder. D turned to Yves and said “why don’t you just leave us alone?” Yves swayed a little as he turned to look at D and mumbled “sorry”. And off he went.
We saw him later trying to pick up another girl. I don’t know what song he used on her but it didn’t work on her.