A Frenchman’s attempt at a pick-up

I’ve fought crime in Nice.  Really.  (Click here.)

I’ve tapped my toes to an accordeonist in the Metro in Paris.

And, on Tuesday night, I was on the receiving end of a poorly constructed pick-up line.

T’is true I tell you; I do not lie.  This all happened under the watchful eye of my husband was standing a mere 6 inches away.  Yup, uh-huh.  Here’s how it all went down.

D and I arrived at Morrison’s Pub a few minutes after 8 pm.  As it was still early in the evening, and as the first band was still setting up, the pub wasn’t full.  Meaning:  you could comfortably get from point A to point B without a problem.

Unless you were drunk, stumbling, and trying to make a call on your cell phone.

Yes, my almost-boyfriend — let’s call him Yves — somehow stumbled his way across the pub without falling flat on his face.  His last stumble almost ended with his face in my beer.  Luckily, I had my hand on my pint o’ joy and moved it out of his way.

To prop himself up, he managed to get his hand on the bar between D and me.  At that point, I wasn’t sure what was going on.  When I heard Yves mumbling “no signal” in his weird little Frenchy voice I realized he was two sheets to the wind.  Totally drunk out of his mind.

And I guess that’s when Yves looked at me (I certainly wasn’t making eye contact!) and he probably thought that I was ready for some drunk French loving.  So, he started to sing.  Badly.  His song?

Bob Marley’s “No Woman No Cry”.

Yup, he brought out some Bob Marley.

I have to give him an A for effort…  Well, I would have given him an A except I was laughing so hard.  The singing was poor.  And he obviously didn’t know the words.  I don’t think Yves noticed my husband who was standing right there.  No, Yves kept on singing.

If you’re wondering what D was doing let me just tell you that Mr Eagle Eye — that’s what I call him when I know he’s watching over me — was on form.  He was ready to fly into action.  And he did just that when the singing started to get louder.  D turned to Yves and said “why don’t you just leave us alone?”  Yves swayed a little as he turned to look at D and mumbled “sorry”.  And off he went.

We saw him later trying to pick up another girl.  I don’t know what song he used on her but it didn’t work on her.