A Frenchman’s attempt at a pick-up

I’ve fought crime in Nice.  Really.  (Click here.)

I’ve tapped my toes to an accordeonist in the Metro in Paris.

And, on Tuesday night, I was on the receiving end of a poorly constructed pick-up line.

T’is true I tell you; I do not lie.  This all happened under the watchful eye of my husband was standing a mere 6 inches away.  Yup, uh-huh.  Here’s how it all went down.

D and I arrived at Morrison’s Pub a few minutes after 8 pm.  As it was still early in the evening, and as the first band was still setting up, the pub wasn’t full.  Meaning:  you could comfortably get from point A to point B without a problem.

Unless you were drunk, stumbling, and trying to make a call on your cell phone.

Yes, my almost-boyfriend — let’s call him Yves — somehow stumbled his way across the pub without falling flat on his face.  His last stumble almost ended with his face in my beer.  Luckily, I had my hand on my pint o’ joy and moved it out of his way.

To prop himself up, he managed to get his hand on the bar between D and me.  At that point, I wasn’t sure what was going on.  When I heard Yves mumbling “no signal” in his weird little Frenchy voice I realized he was two sheets to the wind.  Totally drunk out of his mind.

And I guess that’s when Yves looked at me (I certainly wasn’t making eye contact!) and he probably thought that I was ready for some drunk French loving.  So, he started to sing.  Badly.  His song?

Bob Marley’s “No Woman No Cry”.

Yup, he brought out some Bob Marley.

I have to give him an A for effort…  Well, I would have given him an A except I was laughing so hard.  The singing was poor.  And he obviously didn’t know the words.  I don’t think Yves noticed my husband who was standing right there.  No, Yves kept on singing.

If you’re wondering what D was doing let me just tell you that Mr Eagle Eye — that’s what I call him when I know he’s watching over me — was on form.  He was ready to fly into action.  And he did just that when the singing started to get louder.  D turned to Yves and said “why don’t you just leave us alone?”  Yves swayed a little as he turned to look at D and mumbled “sorry”.  And off he went.

We saw him later trying to pick up another girl.  I don’t know what song he used on her but it didn’t work on her.

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Categories: getting out

Author:Tanya in Transition

I am a woman in transition. I left my job of 13 years to find happiness and self-fulfillment...in France!

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15 Comments on “A Frenchman’s attempt at a pick-up”

  1. January 28, 2011 at 11:42 AM #

    Oh dear….

    The things you’ll do to get yourself an award!

    All the best


    P.S. I didn’t think my singing was that bad? You looked like you were enjoying it?

  2. Tuula
    January 28, 2011 at 1:43 PM #

    Ha, hilarious! Never know what these French men are capable of in the name of amour …but singing really takes the cake – Bob Marley at that..I give him an A for effort as well 🙂

    • January 29, 2011 at 10:40 AM #

      Drunk singing at that! I would have felt sorry for him if it wasn’t so funny! 🙂

  3. January 29, 2011 at 4:15 AM #

    DWL woiiiii he pulled out a BOB what a thing

  4. January 30, 2011 at 6:16 PM #

    haha! Oh those Frenchies. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “But I missed my ______ (bus/tram/interview/life calling) for you!”

    To which I can only reply…. “Et alors?”

    Glad your husband was there for you! 🙂

    • January 31, 2011 at 10:09 AM #

      Oh yes, me too! I don’t know what ‘Yves’ would have done had I been there alone.

  5. January 31, 2011 at 2:37 PM #

    ha ha ha, the Frenchies and their pick ups! I love that he got an A for an effot and that your Hubby was right there being Eagle eyed 🙂

  6. February 2, 2011 at 10:25 AM #

    Ah, no loving for Yves! I so wish you had been able to record the singing.

    • February 7, 2011 at 1:28 PM #

      The last thing Yves needed was attention. There was no way I was going to encourage him! D would have lost his mind too; I couldn’t deal with that either.

  7. February 7, 2011 at 10:18 PM #

    Ha! Looks like you and D were in fine form….But frankly I’m surprised the whole Bob thing didn’t work on you. I’ve lost count of the women I’ve been able to pick up by drunkenly slurring the words to my favourite Marley tune. Oh well, poor Yves. C’est dommage.

    • February 7, 2011 at 10:55 PM #

      LOL! In another life it could have worked if a) I was still a single lass and b) Yves wasn’t crazy drunk! Besides, Yves doesn’t have your charm. 😉

  8. Naphtali
    April 16, 2012 at 2:52 PM #

    Hilarious! I have to visit France .

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